Thursday, August 15, 2013

Breaking Out of Our Comfort Zone: A Dance Lesson in Marriage

Written by, Bernadyn Nettles

A Marriage Lesson I Learned in Dance Class

"5, 6, 7, 8...triple step, triple step, rock step..."

"....and you're dancing!"

I've mentioned in a post a couple weeks ago that my hubby, Ryan and I were going to venture into a new hobby as part of our goal to try new things together to keep our marriage interesting, fresh and to reconnect.  Yes, we finally cashed in our dance classes!  I bought this awesome deal for only 10 bucks on Living Social (about 6 months ago) which included 10 dance classes (3 private and 7 group).  I was a bit nervous but excited at learning something new, especially dancing which is useful in so many ways and can be used in so many situations.

Our wedding day, the typical bride-groom "sway dancing"

We each had our own instructor who taught us the basic moves and then we got paired together.  That was the tricky part: adjusting to a new partner after dancing with the instructors for awhile.  We got the hang of it while dancing with our instructors but then we had to learn to dance those same moves with each other.

That is also the whole point; they explained that all we needed to accomplish was to move together.  He explained to me that I need to trust my partner and that the lady is always right.  (Ha ha, I love that for obvious reasons but it's because the lady always steps off with the right foot first).

How true is that for couples and relationships?  Isn't that the bottom line within a relationship, to move together?  I remember one of my fave lines in Twilight (I know, you're asking, did she really go there?  Yep, I did).  Bella's mom in Twilight explained to Bella that she and Edward were like magnets, when he moved, she moved.  I believe (and I realized this after last night's lesson) that being in a relationship, particularly important in marriages, that the couple needs to be able to move together.  You can be taught by someone else and usually those are our parents or guardians, those who raised us.  We learned from them the basic steps in life, the rules and how to not step on people's feet (at least that's what parents should be teaching)!

Our daughter, Lyla B.'s first dance (father-daughter)
Our job is to teach her the steps so she can find her partner
whose feet she won't step on... unless he's okay with that.

 We may learn more steps from other people like previous partners in past relationships but the trick is that we find that one partner who can move with us to the same beat, to feel confident and comfortable with them as they guide us along the dance floor of life.  I know, now you're thinking, "So that's why he/she didn't work out, we couldn't rock step together!"  
At one point, I finished earlier than Ryan in my lessons and we watched him with his instructor for a bit.  I could tell he was a little uncomfortable.  He told me later that he was and how weird it felt dancing with her. When we were paired together to dance, we were a bit shaky at first then toward the end of our lesson, we were moving smoothly together without thinking about it...and isn't that how it should work?

Also, we began reading this book we received ages ago at our pre-marital class, Good News About Sex and Marriage by Christopher West.  It explains a lot about the significance of sex within a Catholic marriage.  Check it out if you're a Catholic couple or just curious.

Recommended Book this week:

Lesson to be learned:  Find that person you can move with on and off the dance floor! 

Any new activities you and your partner are trying to keep things fresh?  Any old activities that have worked for you?

Brody will be starting school next week so wish him (and me) luck!  Until next time, happy dancing!

Check out Happy Feet Dance if you are interested in dance lessons, too!

Related Posts

Check out these posts/articles I wrote that may help on your couple journey:

Married Life: My hub post where I share some stories about my marriage

Creative Things to do with Your Partner to Keep Your Relationship/Marriage Interesting

Words of Wisdom for Married Couples