Saturday, November 24, 2012

Brody Says the Darndest Things


Written by, Bernadyn Nettles

 

Kids Say the Darndest Things

 
 

You know the saying, kids say the darndest things?  Well, I have my sweet four-year-old, Brody, who can make me laugh with the things he says on a daily basis.  I thought I would share it, especially if someone else out there needs a little child-size humor in their life right now.  These are just a few things that I can remember (forgetfulness after all is one of the many perks of being a mom) and some of the things I wrote down when I used to keep a journal for Brody...

My goofy little boy on his very first field trip.  They visited the Firestation...
Teachers were telling him, "It's not break dancing time."  He must do this a lot at school.  I had no idea.   Oh, the surprising things us parents learn about our kids whenever we attend school functions.





Brody says the darndest things:



Instead of last night, Brody says, "Nast Light"  He likes describing things and this is the way he starts them off.  Sometimes, he'll even say, "Oh, like when I was a baby, I did this nast light..."


I'm still not sure if Brody really knows what a girlfriend/boyfriend is but he's said to me, "I have a lot of girlfriends."  I asked him why?  He said, "Because I need them to look at me."  Later on, he said, "Okay, I have just one girlfriend."  Why do you need a girlfriend?  "So I can kiss her."  


Whenever we go in the fitting room at the store, I'm always so worried out of my mind what he may say!  For example, he has said things like this: "Why are you in here? You can't show people you're naked?  I see your panties"...(then he'll go on to sometimes describe my panties).  Sometimes, he'll say, "Daddy likes you naked?"  What are you supposed to say to that when other people hear it??? *Embarrassing*   FYI, I try to not undress in front of him anymore but sometimes, that's not possible.


Our neighbor was standing outside her door in her swim suit once and Brody said loudly, "Why is she naked?"  I have to explain just as loudly that she's not naked and she's wearing her swim suit because she's probably going to the pool. 


He saw a man running outside without his shirt.  Brody said, "Why is he naked?"  I tell him, he's not naked, he just took off his shirt.  Brody asked, "Why?"  He's running, he's probably hot.  "Where's his shirt?"  Maybe he's holding it.  This was clearly the wrong answer on my part because the man wasn't holding it.  Brody corrected me and said, "No, he put it in his diaper bag." 



Brody staring down into the water, thinking about who knows what...
He can be serious at times.

When I was pregnant with his little sister and I said my tummy hurts, Brody asked if it was because of the baby.  I said yes and he said, "I will cut it out."  He said this while holding a plastic butter knife up to my stomach.  

Brody and Lyla at the park over the summer...
I'm sure he's glad he didn't "cut her out of Mommy's tummy."

When Lyla Brielle was only about a few weeks old we went out grocery shopping.  Brody was fascinated that she breastfed to eat and would constantly ask if he did that, too, when he was a baby.  I didn't think he would actually tell other people and strangers, about it.  I know, I should have known better.  So, when we got to the check out, he blurted out loudly to the cashier, "The baby eats Mommy's boobies!"  I was caught off guard with that one and super embarrassed but the cashier was apparently more caught off guard because she proceeded to start choking!  She laughed, choked and then she got it together and apologized for laughing because she was totally not expecting to hear that.  Thanks, Brody!

He saw me feeding the baby and touched my bra.  Then, he said, "what's in here?"  I told him my boobies.  He asked, "Can I drink it?"  


Brody says the prayer before meals now and it will seriously take him a year and a half to finish praying IF we don't stop him.  His prayer usually goes like this, "I love you Jesus, I love my Mommy, I love my Daddy, I love Lyla, I love White Power Ranger, I love you Jesus so much, I love my kitty, I love my mouse..." (we don't have a kitty or a mouse but he desperately wants the mouse from the pet store).  He'll keep going about the things he loves and will repeat everything again.  Sometimes, I'm already eating and if Ryan is home, he'll tell Brody to start eating, too.  Lyla, in the meantime, is clapping because whenever she sees your hands put together, she thinks it's time to clap.  I play along with her and just clap, too.  Brody then thinks we are clapping for him because he prayed.  This praise only encourages him to say a longer, more detailed prayer for the next meal. 

Another time while praying he changed it up and said, "I don't love you, Jesus, haha just kidding.  I do but I don't but I do."  


We were at Starbucks and he must have been just a little under two years old.  A man walked in and he yelled, "Daddy!"  The man was NOT his Daddy but was wearing a uniform that was similar to his dad's uniform so of course, that would make him his daddy.  He's made this same association with other relatives, like all elderly Caucasian women are "Nana" and Jackie Chan on TV is his grandfather, who he calls "Dodo" (it's supposed to be Lolo for a Filipino grandfather).  He saw The Rock on TV and he said that was Daddy.   


Sometimes, when we go to Wal-Mart, he asks, "Is Mimi here?" or "Where's Mimi?"  He makes the same  association with Denny's and his Mimi (grandmother), too. 


He couldn't articulate all the words when he was younger (still can't on some words now) which is normal for kids to mispronounce (heck, some adults still mispronounce words) so of course, Brody used to mix up words a lot and sometimes those words sounded like inappropriate words.  For example, the Dr. Seuss book, Fox in Socks,  he would pronounce "Socks" like "Focks" which came out like the F word when he said it too fast...hence, Fox in Focks or Fox in F***  


Just recently, he said that Lyla was his brother and kept calling her brother to his classmates.  This really confused them because when I was there for their Halloween party, one of his friends asked me if Brody's sister was a boy or a girl.  I told them sisters are typically girls.  Thanks again, Brody! 


Brody constantly asks if I did the same things he does now when I was a kid.  For instance, he was holding onto something so that his legs were swinging back and forth, maybe the table and couch?  Anyways, he asked if I did that when I was a kid.  I told him I did.  I do recall making everything into a playground equipment.  He then asked why I did it.  My answer was "because it was fun."  I asked him why he was doing it.  His answer blew mine out of the water.  It was "because he needed to exercise."  Wow.  Good answer and such a better reason than to just have fun! 


Sometimes, I'll go up to him and start talking to him (at home or in public) and he'll just give me a blank stare and say, "I don't know you."  (Not good for other people to hear when you're out in public).


He likes to dress himself now and is picky about what he wears.  He only wears certain pants and shirts but is more picky about the pants.  His socks almost never match.  Also, he's very picky about which shoes to wear.  For the longest time if we wouldn't let him wear his brown or gray shoes (because they didn't match his outfit), he would pout and say, "This doesn't make me handsome."  He thought those two shoes made him handsome no matter what clothes he was wearing.  He's better about the shoes now but if he really wants to wear a certain shirt or pants and we won't let him because it doesn't match, he'll say, "This is ugly" or "I'm not handsome today." Some days, I'm too tired to fight with him about it so he leaves the house looking like a hot mess but his confidence is sky high because he feels handsome with his mismatched clothes.  Who am I to argue with that, right?


This year, for Christmas he keeps asking for an IPad because he wants something he can play Angry Birds on and take pictures with.  We already got him the Leap Pad Explorer 2 (he doesn't know that) which is more child-friendly but still has the features he wants from a tablet.  Anyways, I told him he needs to buy me an IPad first.  He replied, "Well, you can just use mine."


He was looking at my feet and asked why some parts were rough.  I told him they weren't like that when I first met you're Daddy.  He answered, "Oh, and then you got married."  Smart kid.  He knows what marriage will do to your life and to your feet!  (I told him Daddy's feet are worse by the way and he didn't have to wait to get married for that!  Haha, just kidding, Ryan...but I'm not but I am but I'm not).  


Whenever Lyla makes him upset Brody will say, "I don't want Lyla anymore, let's throw her in the crash can."  (He says crash instead of trash).  Sometimes, he'll say, "Let's get a new baby" or "I don't want my sister, I want a brother."


He sometimes argues with me about going to bed.  Once, when I told him it's time to sleep, he said, "I'm not sleepy."   It's bed time.  "You're making me frustrated."  He gets frustrated a lot lately.  He'll say Lyla frustrates him, too, or "All of you make me frustrated."  Then, he'll let out a super annoying whine.  That makes Lyla and me frustrated.


He's been collecting acorns at school and pretends they're a secret so he keeps them in his pocket until we get home.  A couple times a week, I'll take him to the mall to play at the Kidgits Clubhouse before going home.  One day, I'm window shopping before I take him there and he says, "I want to go the play area.  You're taking so long.  Everyone will see my acorns!"  People are thinking I taught him to call his you- know-what "acorns".  Once again, thanks, Brody!


He always ask now if people have each other's email.  We were watching the episode of Glee where Rachel goes to New York without Finn.  He got sad and asked, "Where's her boyfriend?"  I told him he didn't go with her.  He said, "Then how will he find her?  He doesn't have her email."  


He was styling his hair in the bathroom one day then came out and said, "I'm sexy in the bathroom."


Last night, we were at the store playing with some toy phones.  He began talking into one and he said, "I break up, I call you, I love you."  It took me a couple seconds then I  realized where I heard that from and started laughing.  He was singing Taylor Swift.  It was on the radio on our drive to the store.  





Spring pic at school last Spring...his model pose.
My handsome little boy who keeps me on my toes and will eventually tell a poor girl over the phone,
"I break up, I call you, I love you."
 Oh my Brody, Brody, Brody.  To this he would say, "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy."  This kid is a mini comedian at times and he doesn't even realize it.  When he hears me laugh at something he says, he'll ask, "What's so funny?  What did I say?"  Sometimes, it's not funny until later when we get home and he's said something embarrassing in public.  (I'll have to remind him of all this when he gets a girlfriend some day... )  

As a mom, there's good days and then there's bad days... when Brody can drive me crazy.  I love him all those days but when he says something funny and makes me smile, I love him even more.



What's some funny things your kid has said?  I'd love to hear them!
Take care,
















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